In regards to my last blog...
You don't 'decide' what you do... you do what you do because its what makes you the person you are. If the great songwriters before us had decided to work for, say the council or something instead of write the amazing songs that define moments of our lives... I would not have enjoyed and explored the parts of life I thankfully have. If I had never read Shakespeare to Stephen King, watched dance pieces by Isadora Duncan to Merce Cunningham, explored performances by the Worcester Group to researching Jaques Lecoq (where I began to loosely apply the semiotics of clowning to my everyday life!), laughed my heart out to the likes of Billl Hicks and Eddie Izzard, my life wouldn't be well... bad - but it would certainly be different, and perhaps not quite as nice.
I guess I'm gonna try to start taking more advice from my small intellectual book by John C. Parkin called Fu*k It. A conclusion to years worth of religious research, all theories broken down to this idea of thinking... you know what... F**k it.
Here's a brief section from his notes...
How F**k It Works, Pt. I:
You realise that things don't matter so much after all.
Most of us believe that meaning and purpose in life are good things to have: where the heck would we be without a sense of meaning and purpose for goodness' sake?
In fact, from a young age we start to pursue meaning - and the bigger MEANING - of life. This process usually culminates at around age 18, late at night, drunk and arguing with other students about The Meaning of Life.
Funny, then, that we get so much relief from saying F**k It to things as adults... given that we usually say F**k It when the things that mean a lot to us have begun to cause us pain.
For example, if keeping fit means a lot to you, but the early-morning runs or the squeezed-in gym sessions have started to become like torture - then you'd say F**k It and stop training, or do something else.
When we say F**k It, we say 'Well, it's causing me so much pain, it's not that important is it?'.
And as we start to say F**k It to things in our lives, we realise that it's the things most matter - that mean the most - that either cause us pain or have the potential to cause us pain.
Saying 'F**k It' reduces the hold that these 'meanings' have on us.
In Buddhist terms, we begin to release our attachments.
And meaning is attachment .
Particular favourite quotes are...
That thing you're worrying about will most probably work out just fine. F**k it.
Say F**k it to the things you can't change
Curry kills cancer cells... red wine helps with heart disease... The F**k It Life is now being supported by scientists.
Might write a song called F**k It. haha :-)
Love from the idealistic, idiotic, idling, invitingly itchy, imaginative, intimate ink-cartridge.
xxxxxxxx
Sunday, 14 March 2010
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
bit of chewed up brain on a page
bit of chewed up brain on a page
Actually, if you've got better things to do - I'd probably honestly go do them if I were you. This might be a slightly long, pointless and random rant. I'm really selling this now aren't I? All hyped up?! Ha ha please don't be. :-)
I wonder sometimes, in fact sometimes quite a lot of the time, am I doing the right thing? Working towards a future where I'm ultimately trying to make a living by doing something I love? By not only having an outlet to express myself the best way I know how, but to base my life around it and have it create wealth for me (even if just a very modest small amount?) Is that incredibly selfish? Isn't there more worthy and needed paths I should take?
Although... (on a slight tangent) - What is all this 'path' business anyway?! I make about a million little decisions every day, there's nothing that could tie all these choices down to all leading in 1 direction. If every single being has a 'path' isn't that just a shitload of lonely paths rolling around? But then is saying we are all connected and 'deep down the same', a bit of a cliche that now, actually doesn't circulate well with real day to day issues? Do I feel that we are actually all one, and there's so more to life that we're not exploring, and that the afterlife may well be more fun anyway? And if I did, is it gonna help me pay my TV license over the phone with an automated voice thats patronising me because it keeps fucking up? I doubt it.
I watch these 'reality' TV shows and wonder when did so many people decide that being famous was what they were 'born for'? What happened to being a scientist or doctor? I don't know - I guess everyone has their different drive and direction. Airports really set me off - the most diverse, yet connected bunch of people going to different places, living various lives. The world is so vast and I'm a speck trying to make sense of what, well really doesn't make sense. So in regards to my conscience, wondering whether I should dedicate my life to something more important... (care workers, for example are surely much more selfless?) ...I guess everyone falls somehow into place, and I pass people from time to time that remind me, I can't be or do everything. I can't be seen as right, wrong or sane by everyone. Nor can I abide by everyones religion or way of life. How and when do we decide ourselves high up enough to judge anyway? I guess everyone has an opinion, but when does that change into a standard that people are expected meet?
So do you just do what you wanna do - if this is just 1 life, do you just explore every avenue that you want to - and leave less aesthetically pleasing paths to someone else? there are a lot of 'someone elses' after all. Or do stop relying on someone else to do the right thing and think about life as an infinite stretch, much past this one we're living in now. Or maybe I just should swap thinking, for a refreshing cold beer?
So, ermm, yeah...
Songwriting.
Oh I don't know!
Might leave the songwriting blog to another day where I'm not resembling a crazy person. Grrrr... that is something else that 'crazes' me. Might start banging on about what on earth constitutes someone as being 'crazy.' Or what 'crazy' actually is. But don't worry I won't! I don't wanna drive you crazy now.
But well I guess I know that regardless of how you read this and therefore what you may think, I am really alright. l genuinely am smiling pretty much all the time. Even if it gets temporarily hidden when I'm working in the pub and someone slurs, stumbles and sprays a little bit on my face (This is grim by the way for those drunkens who spray it and don't say it.) But seriously, I do feel very special to have the amazing people that I'm close too. I'm very much doing okay. Lots of things could be worse. Everything really. If i keep being grateful and try and not only match but exceed what niceness is given to me, then I'm hoping I can't do too wrong.
I hope this blog isn't too weird. Or really crap. I never know how I come across - perhaps I should've written this into a song. The chords behind the lyric could lead you nicely through this little rant. La la la.
Bye for now :-)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Actually, if you've got better things to do - I'd probably honestly go do them if I were you. This might be a slightly long, pointless and random rant. I'm really selling this now aren't I? All hyped up?! Ha ha please don't be. :-)
I wonder sometimes, in fact sometimes quite a lot of the time, am I doing the right thing? Working towards a future where I'm ultimately trying to make a living by doing something I love? By not only having an outlet to express myself the best way I know how, but to base my life around it and have it create wealth for me (even if just a very modest small amount?) Is that incredibly selfish? Isn't there more worthy and needed paths I should take?
Although... (on a slight tangent) - What is all this 'path' business anyway?! I make about a million little decisions every day, there's nothing that could tie all these choices down to all leading in 1 direction. If every single being has a 'path' isn't that just a shitload of lonely paths rolling around? But then is saying we are all connected and 'deep down the same', a bit of a cliche that now, actually doesn't circulate well with real day to day issues? Do I feel that we are actually all one, and there's so more to life that we're not exploring, and that the afterlife may well be more fun anyway? And if I did, is it gonna help me pay my TV license over the phone with an automated voice thats patronising me because it keeps fucking up? I doubt it.
I watch these 'reality' TV shows and wonder when did so many people decide that being famous was what they were 'born for'? What happened to being a scientist or doctor? I don't know - I guess everyone has their different drive and direction. Airports really set me off - the most diverse, yet connected bunch of people going to different places, living various lives. The world is so vast and I'm a speck trying to make sense of what, well really doesn't make sense. So in regards to my conscience, wondering whether I should dedicate my life to something more important... (care workers, for example are surely much more selfless?) ...I guess everyone falls somehow into place, and I pass people from time to time that remind me, I can't be or do everything. I can't be seen as right, wrong or sane by everyone. Nor can I abide by everyones religion or way of life. How and when do we decide ourselves high up enough to judge anyway? I guess everyone has an opinion, but when does that change into a standard that people are expected meet?
So do you just do what you wanna do - if this is just 1 life, do you just explore every avenue that you want to - and leave less aesthetically pleasing paths to someone else? there are a lot of 'someone elses' after all. Or do stop relying on someone else to do the right thing and think about life as an infinite stretch, much past this one we're living in now. Or maybe I just should swap thinking, for a refreshing cold beer?
So, ermm, yeah...
Songwriting.
Oh I don't know!
Might leave the songwriting blog to another day where I'm not resembling a crazy person. Grrrr... that is something else that 'crazes' me. Might start banging on about what on earth constitutes someone as being 'crazy.' Or what 'crazy' actually is. But don't worry I won't! I don't wanna drive you crazy now.
But well I guess I know that regardless of how you read this and therefore what you may think, I am really alright. l genuinely am smiling pretty much all the time. Even if it gets temporarily hidden when I'm working in the pub and someone slurs, stumbles and sprays a little bit on my face (This is grim by the way for those drunkens who spray it and don't say it.) But seriously, I do feel very special to have the amazing people that I'm close too. I'm very much doing okay. Lots of things could be worse. Everything really. If i keep being grateful and try and not only match but exceed what niceness is given to me, then I'm hoping I can't do too wrong.
I hope this blog isn't too weird. Or really crap. I never know how I come across - perhaps I should've written this into a song. The chords behind the lyric could lead you nicely through this little rant. La la la.
Bye for now :-)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Week 8. and 9, 10 and 11 and so on. :-)
Ello! erm yeah - sorry its been yonks. I didn't write any blogs during the last month of term. Or the month after. I have little recollection of what I was doing, apart from frantically running along with the fast pace, often with arms and legs flailing about. (I hope this is a word - its great. I would google it but I know I'll get distracted by other definitions of words beginning with fla... and it'll then be another month before I actually write and finish a blog.)
So yes it was very busy and very fun and I'm sure I have progressed loads even if it sometimes feels like I'm even more clueless than ever. For the solo songwriting module - I completed my 1st 8 songs of the course, and submitted a meaty 5000 critique journal on a few of my peers songs. I listened to one of the songs I was critiquing 159 times. It says so on my Itunes. He found this amusing. I passed this module thankfully. The Industrial Context Module (where we'd had all these fantastic guests in), helped us explore possible options as a songwriter and was what my 3000 essay discussed and evaluated. Another still a pass thankfully :-) The other module which had double credits , was the Songwriting in Context module - which within a weekly seminar, we listened to, debated and evaluated a lovely range of songs which then within a 30 min video we applied to 4 of our own songs. This was really difficult to put together but very rewarding when I finished. Shame I ran out of time and had to leave the sock puppets out thou. :-( Bad times.
So all our work for the last trimester (not semester or nicehamster as i first thought) was handed in mid January. Ooh that was a good day :-) albeit a really long one that carried on from the previous day. But all handed in at 12:02 midday after a slight manic runaround visiting technicians, printers and library books with slightly crazed unfocussed eyes and a red bull in hand.
So with this month passing by with a bit of much needed chilling time, catching up with my 'homies' and extra shifts in the pub, we are back to week 1!! But with all new exciting modules and adventures!!! I've written another blog which I shall probably post after this one and then a weekly blog should start after that one.
Just incase you wanna read!
Love from the horrifyingly hungry,helplessly hairy, happy, hyper hula hoop
xxxxx
P.s has anyone actually got used to writing 2010 yet? I feel like I should be writing it from my own spaceship somewhere in the future!
hmmm or maybe just me then?!
So yes it was very busy and very fun and I'm sure I have progressed loads even if it sometimes feels like I'm even more clueless than ever. For the solo songwriting module - I completed my 1st 8 songs of the course, and submitted a meaty 5000 critique journal on a few of my peers songs. I listened to one of the songs I was critiquing 159 times. It says so on my Itunes. He found this amusing. I passed this module thankfully. The Industrial Context Module (where we'd had all these fantastic guests in), helped us explore possible options as a songwriter and was what my 3000 essay discussed and evaluated. Another still a pass thankfully :-) The other module which had double credits , was the Songwriting in Context module - which within a weekly seminar, we listened to, debated and evaluated a lovely range of songs which then within a 30 min video we applied to 4 of our own songs. This was really difficult to put together but very rewarding when I finished. Shame I ran out of time and had to leave the sock puppets out thou. :-( Bad times.
So all our work for the last trimester (not semester or nicehamster as i first thought) was handed in mid January. Ooh that was a good day :-) albeit a really long one that carried on from the previous day. But all handed in at 12:02 midday after a slight manic runaround visiting technicians, printers and library books with slightly crazed unfocussed eyes and a red bull in hand.
So with this month passing by with a bit of much needed chilling time, catching up with my 'homies' and extra shifts in the pub, we are back to week 1!! But with all new exciting modules and adventures!!! I've written another blog which I shall probably post after this one and then a weekly blog should start after that one.
Just incase you wanna read!
Love from the horrifyingly hungry,helplessly hairy, happy, hyper hula hoop
xxxxx
P.s has anyone actually got used to writing 2010 yet? I feel like I should be writing it from my own spaceship somewhere in the future!
hmmm or maybe just me then?!
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