bit of chewed up brain on a page

bit of chewed up brain on a page


Actually, if you've got better things to do - I'd probably honestly go do them if I were you. This might be a slightly long, pointless and random rant. I'm really selling this now aren't I? All hyped up?! Ha ha please don't be. :-)

I wonder sometimes, in fact sometimes quite a lot of the time, am I doing the right thing? Working towards a future where I'm ultimately trying to make a living by doing something I love? By not only having an outlet to express myself the best way I know how, but to base my life around it and have it create wealth for me (even if just a very modest small amount?) Is that incredibly selfish? Isn't there more worthy and needed paths I should take?
Although... (on a slight tangent) - What is all this 'path' business anyway?! I make about a million little decisions every day, there's nothing that could tie all these choices down to all leading in 1 direction. If every single being has a 'path' isn't that just a shitload of lonely paths rolling around? But then is saying we are all connected and 'deep down the same', a bit of a cliche that now, actually doesn't circulate well with real day to day issues? Do I feel that we are actually all one, and there's so more to life that we're not exploring, and that the afterlife may well be more fun anyway? And if I did, is it gonna help me pay my TV license over the phone with an automated voice thats patronising me because it keeps fucking up? I doubt it.

I watch these 'reality' TV shows and wonder when did so many people decide that being famous was what they were 'born for'? What happened to being a scientist or doctor? I don't know - I guess everyone has their different drive and direction. Airports really set me off - the most diverse, yet connected bunch of people going to different places, living various lives. The world is so vast and I'm a speck trying to make sense of what, well really doesn't make sense. So in regards to my conscience, wondering whether I should dedicate my life to something more important... (care workers, for example are surely much more selfless?) ...I guess everyone falls somehow into place, and I pass people from time to time that remind me, I can't be or do everything. I can't be seen as right, wrong or sane by everyone. Nor can I abide by everyones religion or way of life. How and when do we decide ourselves high up enough to judge anyway? I guess everyone has an opinion, but when does that change into a standard that people are expected meet?

So do you just do what you wanna do - if this is just 1 life, do you just explore every avenue that you want to - and leave less aesthetically pleasing paths to someone else? there are a lot of 'someone elses' after all. Or do stop relying on someone else to do the right thing and think about life as an infinite stretch, much past this one we're living in now. Or maybe I just should swap thinking, for a refreshing cold beer?

So, ermm, yeah...

Songwriting.

Oh I don't know!

Might leave the songwriting blog to another day where I'm not resembling a crazy person. Grrrr... that is something else that 'crazes' me. Might start banging on about what on earth constitutes someone as being 'crazy.' Or what 'crazy' actually is. But don't worry I won't! I don't wanna drive you crazy now.

But well I guess I know that regardless of how you read this and therefore what you may think, I am really alright. l genuinely am smiling pretty much all the time. Even if it gets temporarily hidden when I'm working in the pub and someone slurs, stumbles and sprays a little bit on my face (This is grim by the way for those drunkens who spray it and don't say it.) But seriously, I do feel very special to have the amazing people that I'm close too. I'm very much doing okay. Lots of things could be worse. Everything really. If i keep being grateful and try and not only match but exceed what niceness is given to me, then I'm hoping I can't do too wrong.

I hope this blog isn't too weird. Or really crap. I never know how I come across - perhaps I should've written this into a song. The chords behind the lyric could lead you nicely through this little rant. La la la.

Bye for now :-)

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